Hi Mom,

I'm going to be 55 in a few days. Never thought about how I would feel getting older. I'm not doing it as gracefully as I'd like to. Dad is doing well, still gardening and still as stubborn as ever. But man he puts me to shame with the daily accomplishments. I'm struggling with anxiety and depression. But, I'm as stubborn as ever too so I will get through. I love you and I miss you every day. Sandy and I are back together. I missed her so and it sure is nice to have someone who understands what damage Stanley can do to a person. We are working well together, supporting each other. She is better at it than I am. I was in such a hole that I sometimes want to retreat to. Life is a little overwhelming some days. I hope that you are proud of us and continue to watch over our family. Until I see you again, I love you! Give heaven some hell! You were a great mom and good friend when I allowed it. I'm sorry for the heartaches we all endured. My heart will forever be a little bit broken. Love you, Connie

Hi Mom,

Wow, things have sure changed this year haven't they? God sure does work in mysterious ways of which I am still trying to understand. I'm sure you know how things are going now! I still struggle to be able to speak my mind but it's getting better. I am getting healthier everyday. I've not missed a Sunday at Church once since February 2022. I have so many feelings about Church, God and all of that. I'm working on the courage to talk to one of the pastors so I can understand it better. I mean wasn't Jesus a man too. How do we have so many men in this world that act the way they do. I know, sins can be forgiven but... Why, aren't there more people who live and act like they should? Sometimes I wonder who does God think he is! I don't understand the saying "fear God". Why is that?

I've been getting a massage once a month. She is working on her connections to your side of the universe. She told me that you are with me and not to be surprised if I feel you touch me in some physical way. I think it will freak me out a little but I welcome the day to truly feel your touch. I wish I had the chance to be there with you as you were leaving your earthly body. Scott is hurting and I don't know how to help him other than keep letting him know how I feel. I'm so sorry I was not there to help you through your knowing you were dying. I miss our late night drunk talks even though I am trying to refrain from my drinking as I used to. I miss the calls that next morning from one or the other of us to ask if we talked and what did we talk about.

Sometimes, actually a lot of times I hear the sound of your voice come out of my mouth. It's pretty weird but I feel your presence when I hear you in my voice.

My masseuse friend also said that dad is getting tired but she feels he is holding on for my divorce to be final. I can see it all in his face. She said when it is his time that you will be the one to come for him. I shared this with him during a conversation one night and he didn't really have much to say. But, I felt some kind of different peacefulness in the air when he responded. He misses you terribly. I know you struggled for a long time, never saying much to anyone else. I am so grateful that you confided so much in me and am awfully sorry that I said some hurtful and private things publicly. Keep watch over us all and if you have any clout with the big guy in the sky please ask him to help move along my disconnection with Stanley. I wish it weren't terrible of me to ask you to haunt the hell out of him. He is an evil man - I know that in my heart now! I've been working with counseling regularly and will break this cycle in my life and hopefully help Kathryn as I grow and learn. Tyler too.

He is doing much better now that we don't have Stanley in our lives. He and I had a wonderful conversation on the eve of Mother's Day. The first time we have actually been able to freely sit and talk with each other. I am so glad I finally found the power within to leave Stanley. I was killing my son along side myself. I have seen where we were headed and it scared me to realize how much Tyler was sacrificing for me. He has always been willing to give up everything he has ever known for me! I hope he finds a wife who will cherish him as much as I think he will her!

I love you Mom and I miss you every single day!

Hi mom,

Kathryn, had her baby, 9/22/21. He was 6.12 and 20 inches with a little dark hair. I think he has Kats lips. They've been in the hospital for a bit. Liam is a little jaundice and lost some weight so he is under a special light. They seem to be doing well overall. I dont know why I'm giving you the play ny play. You probably had the best seat. I hope your proud of her and know how much she loves you! I am still trying to make sense of how all of this got so bad but I know you struggled through a lot so I hope your resting easy at heart. I wish I could have been different. I think the day I truly became this person was the day dad asked me if I thought I was better than he. It was the proudest most independent decision of my life and he smashed it - I wish I didn't let him hold me back! But. That's the past, I'm trying so hard to make it through my future. I missed us mom! I love you. Connie

I miss you Mom. Kathryn is going to have a baby in October this year! I hope he at least has your eyes! His name will be Liam, it means strong willed warrior, we can use a good man in our family! I think you'd be proud of her - she is trying her hardest. I worry a little about my Tyler! He will be 30 this year, he is still single and says he is happy! I don't see it as much as I used to! I wish life had been kinder to us as a family! All I ever wanted was to be a happy and loving family. I wish some things never EVER happened but much like you trudged through I am doing the same. I am mostly happy but have a few regrets that I wish I could get over. You will always be my mom - nothing can ever change that. I love you, always have and always will no matter what! It just works that way.

Love your broken daughter, Connie

At one time or another we were friends, confidents, mother and daughter, side kicks, and survivors together! We endured a lot together, over came and fought together, I'm sorry the last few years were our hardest. I have missed you for a long time! Mom, I hope you are resting and safe in the arms of your family! It has been so long since you've seen your mom, dad, Aunt Lucy, Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet!

Regardless of our differences, I've loved you my whole life!

RIP Kathy❤️Thoughts and prayers for the family. Love Janice Gillette Burns